I consider myself a relatively new mommy at the age of 40, our daughter is 19 months. I have come to the conclusion that there really is a reason 20 something’s have babies and 40 something’s are grand parents. My back is not what it used to be and the question that has puzzled me for years has been answered. How can those parents just ignore their child. Now I know it is not hard at all
I know I complain about her, miss mad as I like to call her, is actually a really good girl and she is growing on me. She is always happy, even when she’s mad she is always with a smile. Her amazement in all things around her never rests . Some of the things she comes up with completely blows my mind. She has been able to get a door open for several months and the expression on my face when she opened a can last week was I am sure priceless.
Right now we are working on talking. funny thing is; she can count to ten but her sentences come out in another language, I still answer her like I know what she is saying. she has the bye and hi and night night and she has the waving going on too, The really incredible thing that she does is harmonize with any music that comes on the radio, tv or even live. The words are just what she is making up but it is in harmony. Then when we say how cute she looks she tilts her head to the side to lay it on her stuffed deer. I just want to call her ham.
Oh I just can’t do it, so I am going to share a story about my mom, who I miss so much.
When I started college my mom would send me money for books and a little note that always said, “Keep all your books because one day you will have a great library”. The funny thing is that I did and I built it myself and she was just a proud of the fact that my shelves were level.
She would also send me $100 at the end of the semester and say it was just for me and just for fun. I worked full time and was taking 15 hours my last semester to finish.
I am glad she got to see me graduate from college, she felt disgusted with herself after she told me she wasn’t going to my high school graduation because it was not an accomplishment it was my job. She ended up going because a good friend talked her in to it. A few years later my sister dropped out of school and she could not apologize enough. She even wrote me a letter when she found out she had cancer for me to find after she was gone to say everything she couldn’t in person. That letter is my prize possession. I just wish I could have told her I loved her no matter what. I hope she knew how much.
Mommy and me on a water taxi in Milan Italy when I when and got
her off a cruise ship after having a stroke. Ten days before my gastric
I am one of those people that parents told “look it up“. The method has changed drastically but the idea is still the same and I still do it all the time. “The best weapon you have is words“ so it is important to continually improve your skills. It goes as a close partner to wit and allows one to be quick on their feet. One of my favorite sayings “I love fighting against someone who has no ammunition“ The real irony comes in the witless usually have the most to say that is useless and at times idiotic. You know the ones that actually have the nerve to put down in writing “you are so stouped“. Yup, isn‘t it ironic? So the lesson of the day look it up I do and although it has not improved my spelling my vocabulary is a plethora that while overabundant has proved itself to be quite useful.
I have an artist temperament, that means several things but for one I am very passionate about my work, no matter what that might be. I have a strong need to care for those around me and seek their approval and the lack of it leaves a feeling of worthlessness and failure. to not receive a thank you is agony some days.
At times my creativity just lets go and the outcome completely surprises me to the point I am not even sure where it came from for example in this drawing of my daughter I did freehand while still in the hospital with her. Those who don’t understand this type of vision say something like, ok that was a good photoshop.
Reasonable me knows they are just jealous and flighty me wonders how they can be so mean.
My husband and I play a game where we hide the word muach around where ever for the other to find. We take turns doing it and sometimes it can take a while to be found. I have put it in his lunch, in his truck, in his toolbox, I even wrote it on the shower door in soap so he could see it when steamed filled the room. I found it on the garage floor in chalk and a homemade koozy around a soda in the fridge.
It is my favorite game and unique because muach is the spelling of the sound made when you blow a kiss.
You walk out the door and 5 minutes later I call you just to say I love you. My heart is filled with memories of you and my mind does not waste a second remembering the exact look you had on your face when you walked out the door. Every thought that fills my head is about you and our life together not to mention our miracle. I can’t concentrate on anything. I do mindless busy work to calm my mind sometimes. When we are together I reach over and touch your arm because I love to feel you close and know you are there. My mind spins with ideas of what I could say to get you to come home although I usually decide against it so not to push you away. I melt inside when I remember the special words you said to me this morning. I always want to be what you need in a wife, best friend, lover and great huntin’ buddy.
I long for the moment that my head will be back on your shoulder and your strong arm wrapped lightly around me. That time stands still “Nothing in the world matters but us”. There is no nothing, no hot no cold, no stress, and no problems. I know they are still there but they just can’t get past the shield that is produced when our love collides in my soul.
Everyone has their own way of seeing love and the description above is the best I could come up with to explain the way I feel about you every second. Forever and beyond.